Riya found herself in a café, constructing a verbal wall, and narrating it to her friend, who was displaying the dating applications with a weary smile. She remarked: “Yes, I know my requirements. But then, what makes people consider that the things I seek are perfectly impossible?” This query stays in the center of the modern fling. A lot of people mix up having high standards in relationships and setting unrealistic expectations, though the two are just the opposite. The first one is a shield for your emotional well-being, while the second one silently prevents true connection.
High Standards: Knowing Your Worth Without Apology
Having high standards means you are very much aware of your values. Respect, emotional availability, honesty and consistency are your demands. These are not luxuries, but rather necessities. Most of the time, those with high standards have experienced, frequently in a painful manner, the negative consequences of their compromising choices.
Riya dated a person once who would come around only when it suited him. She had her eyes closed to the red flags mainly due to her fear of being “too picky.” Eventually, she found out that her tiredness was a result of her needs being neglected. High standards help you not to fall into that trap again. They are like a filter, not a wall.
When you set high standards for your relationships, you do not look for someone perfect. Rather, you seek effort, accountability and emotional safety. You know that love is a process that requires communication and patience. However, you still do not want to give up on respect. This equilibrium renders the entire process of dating both healthy and stable.
Unrealistic Expectations: When Fantasy Takes Over the Real World
Unrealistic expectations are mainly created by movies, social media, or the unhealed emotional wounds. Instant chemistry, constant excitement, and no conflict at all are your expectations. Your partner is expected to be a mind-reader and to do all the healing of your past without you speaking a word.
Riya has fallen into this trap as well. The disappointment of the connection between her and a stable and kind person was “too calm” and she turned him down. Then, she interpreted silence as taking no action. Unreasonable expectations do not allow imperfections of humanity to exist. They create misunderstanding and even pushbacks, and that is the case in a genuine effort.
The above mentality also treats dating as a to do list. Right from the start, height, income, appearance, texting speed, and emotional perfection have to match. If they don’t, you are going to lose any potential and go on to the next one without even thinking about it. This pattern slowly leads to the feeling of frustration and loneliness, not empowerment.
The Thin Line Between Standards and Expectations
Flexibility is the fundamental aspect that sets these two apart. High standards, which people might call unrealistic, are always fear-driven and thus lack the necessary elasticity. Start by asking yourself the following question: “Is it about my basic requirements or exercising control over the situation?”
It is o.k. to expect honesty in feelings and still let the person develop in that aspect. Expecting to be never irritated by someone, however, is asking too much. High standards in relationships might lead to the presence of learning curves. Perfection wouldn’t be a prerequisite of the very first date. Rather, one would practice watching and recognizing the different patterns.
Riya was that she could train herself to think twice before she wrote off a person. She was no longer asking herself, “Do they give me a buzz right away?” and instead, “Am I comfortable being my true self?” That change in questioning transformed Riya’s whole dating experience.
How to Date Intentionally Without Losing Your Standards
Clearly and simply define your non-negotiables as the starting point. There must be few of them and they must be meaningful, not endless. Surface traits are nothing compared to respect, emotional availability, and shared core values.
Then talk and listen to each other. Very often, one of the reasons why expectations seem to be too high is that they were not expressed at all. The right ones will approach you if you communicate your needs with a calm voice; the wrong ones will keep their distance and you will thus save your energy.
Moreover, think about your triggers. At times, the past can hurt so much that it grabs hold of your standards like a disguise. You come to grow in your ability to identify where the problem lies through the process of healing. When you have high standards in a relationship you do not go for the thrill. You pick the consistent, though it may be confusing at the start.
Lastly, keep in mind that dating is not a show. It is a trip. You are not casting for love and nor is the other person.
The Modern Dating Scenario’s Real Victory
It is not about lowering your standards or continuously increasing your expectations. The most important factor is clarity. The moment you know yourself better, dating turns into a process which is less heavy and more deliberate.
Eventually, Riya encountered a guy who initially did not impress her at all. Yet, he continually approached her, paid attention to her, and maintained a firm presence in his deeds.That was when she came to the conclusion that having high standards for relationships does not make love harder to find. It rather makes it healthier when it comes.
Therefore, pick standards that reflect your value, and let go of expectations that nurture insecurity. This is the point where true connection starts.
