Have you found yourself falling for potential rather than the individual that is standing right before you? The process begins with hopeful feelings. You see their talent, their pain, their dreams. You picture their future self based on their potential to recover and their dedication to work harder and their ability to love you back in the same way you love them. The experience begins as a romantic connection. The experience becomes a relationship burden that consumes your emotional strength without you realizing it.
This phenomenon exists under the name of fantasy attachment. You don’t fall in love with who they are today. You fall in love with the future version of someone who will never become real. The situation becomes difficult because of this particular issue.
The Dream Version versus The Real Person
The initial stage of everything creates a feeling of enchantment. The people state their intention to establish a new business. The two people make a commitment to manage their disrespectful behavior. The people discuss their need for therapy while they pursue their personal development goal through their dedication. You hold onto those words. Your mind creates an image which you use to construct your thought process.
You begin to complete the missing information. People believe that their situation requires a period of waiting. You permit them to behave in ways which cause you pain. You see their possibilities because you think they have potential.
The truth describes potential as something which needs to become actualized through concrete deeds.
You cannot date promises. The relationship requires more than what exists between “almost” and actual contact. Your mind tricks you into thinking that you will soon see results from your work because you have fallen for someone who holds potential. The passing of time transforms weeks into months. The version you imagined stays in your head, not in reality.
Why We Get Attached to Potential
Your emotional patterns create a link to your fantasy attachment. To feel significant in relation to other people, we have an inner desire for fulfillment. Our fulfillment, when it comes to our sense of meaning, is derived from helping others find solutions to their own problems. The fear from being alone leads most of us (most people) to cling to “maybes” or what could occur, rather than embracing reality.
People from our generation learned to associate love with challenging experiences. When love exists without disturbances, we conclude that something essential is absent. We pursue transformation stories because they represent our quest for change. We want to believe we inspired their growth.
The relationship which exists between two partners remains complete without the need for ongoing changes. A relationship establishes a permanent state of peace. The relationship maintains a balanced sharing of feelings between both partners.
Your attraction to potential leads you to concentrate on future possibilities instead of current situations. Your perception of danger disappears when you discover a hidden treasure. Love should not function as an extended commitment. It should exist as a present-day collaborative relationship between two people.
The Emotional Cost of the Fantasy
The initial stage of hope brings people a feeling of joy but later the state of hope becomes tiresome. You start over giving. People compromise more than you planned. You explain their behavior to your friends. You stand up for them even when they let you down.
The process of resentment gathers slowly through the accumulation of many perceived wrongs. You think, “Considering all that I have done, they should be different by now.”
The answer is simple, yet it causes pain because they did not promise transformation in the way you believed. You are attached to a storyline. You fell in love with the edited trailer, not the full movie.
People who build their relationships on their partner’s future potential will forget their own personal requirements. You reduce your expectations. People continue to wait. You maintain your expectation. You remain in the same place.
Love should not force you to put your inner peace at risk.
Choosing Reality Over Illusion
The first step toward breaking a pattern requires you to study people through their actions instead of their spoken words. The ability to maintain consistent behavior throughout time should be prioritized above building a strong relationship bond. People need to put forth work because inspiration alone does not lead to advancement.
Now the question that you need to ask yourself is the following: Would I still make this choice assuming that this individual remained exactly the same all through his or her life? You must answer slowly before you respond to the question.
People need to understand that present moment love is your birthright. You should not wait until future time.
When you date someone because you see their potential, you will experience a strong transformative effect. You begin to appreciate how people align with your values more than their imaginative qualities. People select partners who possess the same level of ambition as yourself. You stop trying to earn love by saving someone.
The act of believing in someone creates a beautiful experience. People face danger when they base their entire existence on a made-up reality. People establish real intimate connections when they learn to accept each other without holding any expectations.
You should love the individual who exists in front of you instead of focusing on the person you want to develop. Your thoughts about this subject need to take a break for you to think about it.
Have you been loving someone’s promise more than their reality? The platform provides you with the option to share your thoughts. Your personal experience will assist others in recognizing their own patterns of fantasy attachment which they need to break for healthier future relationships.
