We’ve all been there before staring at our notifications to find the same person who ghosted you suddenly watching every story. It’s a strange feeling and the behavior has a name below: orbiting in dating. It feels confusing, aggravating, and somehow validating too. But what does it really mean when someone is keeping you in their orbit without really making an effort?
What is Orbiting?
Orbiting happens when someone has stopped talking to you directly or having meaningful conversations but still interacts in a passive way by viewing your stories or liking your posts, or quietly reacting. Unlike ghosting, orbiting leaves you hanging in the gray area. You are not being cut off completely simply because they are still orbiting you even if they don’t step forward.
Orbiting behavior is especially associated with modern dating in the modern dating world along with social media. Social media makes it easy for someone to “stay around” without having to ever interact. That is why orbiting feels both present and absent simultaneously.
Why do people orbit?
People orbit for all different reasons, but a few themes start to emerge:
- Curiosity without the obligation to commit: They want to know what you’re doing without emotional attachment.
- Fear of closing off options: They want to orbit so they can keep an open door to return to you when they want.
- Ego boost: Watching you live your life might give them assurance that they aren’t just a total loser and might help them feel better about themselves.
- Unclear about what they want: Sometimes people aren’t ready to let you go or come back.
Orbiting in dating has way more to do with them than with you. The orbiting behavior is less about who you are and more about their hesitancy.
How does orbiting effect you
Initially, orbiting can feel flattering. It gives you the impression that they still care, right? But with time, feelings of confusion and emotional distress follow. You’re beginning to question your own value, analyzing their actions, and waiting for the responses that will never come.
Basically you are “stuck”, you find yourself switching back and forth between actions and inactions with that person but you’re not going anywhere with it, nor are you finishing that chapter and moving on. That’s why it is so important to understand orbiting in dating. That understanding helps you take yourself out of the realm of orbiting and move toward a path which leads you back to your own emotional clarity.
What Can You Do About It
The great news? You don’t have to play along! Here are some ways you can deal with orbiting:
- Acknowledge it: realize that this behavior is due to them and not you.
- Set your boundaries: mute or restrict them if seeing them has a negative impact on your peace of mind.
- Change the focus: put your time and effort into people that show up and put in the effort.
- Communicate directly: If you want resolution, ask them where you two stand.
Your time and attention are worth something, the more you invest your time and emotional energy in someone who is orbiting you, the less time you are making for someone who is investing in you.
Final Thoughts
Orbiting, while popularized on social media, is a trend that you shouldn’t have to market yourself to be a part of. Recognizing the act of orbiting for what it is can help you regain emotional control. Don’t be okay with someone being just half present or silently watching from a far. You deserve people who want to not only watch your stories, but also seek to be a part of this story!
